The ghosts of diets past

Now is the time for all good people to go on a diet. The religious ritual is as follows: advent, Christmas, New Years, epiphany and - diet. Sometimes I wax a bit nostalgic, remembering other holidays, other diets.

From the cover of a bestselling diet book of yore stares a dour, cadaverous man -- his bald head lowered, his beady eyes focused on a disgustingly obese world. He wears a doctor's white coat, stethoscope and bow tie. His gaze seems to say: "Fat woman, get thin or I will lock you up and starve you."

The first sentence in the book, under "Acknowledgements" proclaims: "We are grateful to Jean Harris for her splendid assistance in the research and writing of this book . . ."

Of course I am speaking of the Scarsdale Medical Diet by Herman Tarnower, M.D. It was all the rage back in 1978. Fifteen years later, we all know that one person did get locked up and that was his "research assistant" - read long-time lover - Jean Harris. One night she took a gun, aimed it at Tarnower -- who was in bed -- and plugged him, several times.

In court, the prosecution claimed that Harris did it because she was a "woman scorned." The motive was supposed to be jealousy because a younger woman had taken her place in old Herm's affections.

Personally, I think she did it because she was hungry.

Harris must have hired the dumbest attorney who ever lived. All he had to was put the judge and jury on the Scarsdale Diet for the duration of the trial. Had he done so, Harris would never have been locked up. Hell, everyone in the courtroom might have voted her a medal for valor. Instead, she was convicted.

Although he denied that his was a "fad diet," Tarnower demanded that people eat high protein -- lots of meat -- and few carbohydrates. "DON'T eat potatoes, rice, sweet potatoes, yams, lima beans, baking beans, kidney beans, avocado."

Since the 70's we have gone to "eat lots of pasta" to "eat anything but fat" and totally around traveled around several diet pyramids.

OK, OK, I admit that I went on the Scarsdale Diet a couple of times. I lived for extended periods on skinless chicken, celery and water. That diet made me so cross I would have killed him myself, given the opportunity.

When I read the Tarnower's diet I became aware, from his tone throughout, that he was not a nice man. He explained that when dealing with a patient he would not merely suggest a diet: "I would say forcefully, 'You must take off that unhealthy fat and flab.'"

Truth be known, I'll bet butter wouldn't melt in his mouth.

Fortunately, just before Christmas 1992, Governor Mario Cuomo of New York finally pardoned Jean Harris. His action was long overdue. Evidently, she was a model prisoner who helped other prisoners - and their children - while she was in jail. Many legal scholars have expressed the opinion that her conviction should have been overturned long before.

Poor woman, she checked out of jail and into the hospital for a quadruple by-pass operation. If you ever fantasized that you could stick to a diet if someone locked you up -- forgetaboutit. Prison food is a punishment in itself.

I'm still waiting for the genius who can take the die out of diet.

This copyrighted column is the intellectual property of Virginia Cornell.
For permission to reproduce it in part or in whole please contact: vcornell@manifestpub.com. Inquiries from newspapers and newsletters are welcomed.