Humor Column Archives

Are you living life as a comedy? Or a tragedy?

Early in life, I decided to live a comedy. But I had help. I was lucky enough to have an optimistic mother who saw herself as frequently ridiculous.

Whe Bendix marketed the first front-loading automatic washing machines, my father banished the old one, agitator, wringer and rinse tubs.

Father wrestled the machine down the basement stairs, uncrated it, hastily bolted it to the floor. Keep in mind that those first automatic washers spun the clothes with roughly the amount of force required to lift off a helicopter.

One day I heard a terrible scream. I hurled myself down the basement steps, two at a time, to see a very strange sight. My normally staid mother was spread-eagled across the top of the washing machine, both were hopping across the basement floor. It was bucking, trying to toss her off.

The plug," she screamed, "Pull the plug."

I did, and the mighty machine halted in its tracks.

My mother buried her face in her arm, her plump body seemed still to be heaving in rhythm to the leaping machine. Great sobbing sounds came from her throat.

"Mother, Mother. Are you all right?"

"I will be," she lifted her chin, "as soon as I . . . can stop laughing." She reached behind her bifocals to wipe tears from her eyes.

What I had mistaken for sobs was a series of explosive chortles, "I must have been the funniest sight in Sedgwick County," she said. "I'm so glad you got to see it. Now maybe Clifford will bolt this thing down properly."

It was a frightening event; most women would have gone into hysterics.

Father hastened to the lumber yard to buy a bag of concrete. He not only bolted, but cemented the machine in place.

That night at dinner, he couldn't understand why my mother and I kept breaking into giggles.

Lots of families would have told this story as a potential tragedy. But my mother imparted a skill that has been more valuable to me than cooking or sewing. She taught me how to laugh at myself. Lots of people never get the knack of it.

Virginia Cornell is the author of The Latest Wrinkle and Other Signs of Aging — a collection of her humorous essays. For information on ordering, see The Latest Wrinkle.